In Which I Ask You About Polygamy

This a request for your input regarding polygamy, especially in regards to its possible existence in the next life. In the LDS culture we don't talk about this much.  So much of the time we tell ourselves or others that we don't need to know, that we can't know, and that we just need to live by faith and everything will work out. While I agree that we should live by faith and that everything will work out, I believe that we can and should learn about it. God has told us multiple times in the scriptures that if we ask, we can receive, and that we can know the mysteries of God. And if the family is so central to God's Plan of Happiness, shouldn't we understand its configuration in the next life?  I also believe that if something is bothering us, there is probably a reason, and we need to find out more about it.

So here I would like your input. I want to start a discussion. I will not elaborate on my own thoughts, but I want to know your opinions, experiences, and feelings.  I would like to know what you have been taught, what you believe, how those two things have affected you, and how you feel about it all. I would like to focus especially on the question of polygamy in the eternities.

Please comment below. Say as much as you like! If you are comfortable, please share this post with others, and please come back to read what others are saying.  Feel free to reply to what others are saying. Feel free to disagree, just remember to be respectful.

Sincerely,
Penny

The Part of Me That Belongs to My Voice

The part of me that belongs to my voice,
She has been taken, starved and nearly naked, dragged through the woods.
Conquered and beaten,
Now tied to a post with her wrists above her head.
Week and weeping.

They whip her and she cries out.
She screams with my voice,
With her mouth open in anguish toward the skies.

Her eyes are full of bitterness when I meet them,
Her body young and pale.
I ask myself,
"Where are the brutes who did this?"
But we two are alone. 
When I look down,
I find the whip in my own hands, and I am trembling.


Dear reader: I am interested to hear about your own issues with your hobbies in the comments. Your love hate relationships with them. Am I the only one whose pursuits can cause nearly as much pain as joy?

Being Ugly

           A few weeks ago there was a video going around called "Real Beauty Sketches" by the Dove Campaign. I'm sure many of you have seen it.  (if not you can check it out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpaOjMXyJGk)  Basically they use a forensic artist to render women’s descriptions of themselves compared with the descriptions of others. In the end you see the two renderings. The self-described on the left, the other on the right. The ones on the left were always uglier than the ones on the right. At first, I loved it. It made me feel good. I posted it on facebook. Then I read a blog post called  "Why Dove’s “Real Beauty Sketches” Video Makes Me Uncomfortable… and Kind of Makes Me Angry"  It totally changed my mind. (Scroll to the bottom to see the link.)  There were two things the blogger said in her article that got me thinking the most.

      The first thing she said that caught me was: "there are real women who look like the women on the left. What are you saying about them, exactly?”  I had the same inkling of that thought when I first saw the video, but I didn't really think about it. So what if you really are ugly? Face it, we have a cultural standard of beauty, and some people just don’t meet it. 

    The other big thing the blogger pointed out was a quote from one of the women in the video. The woman said:   “I should be more grateful of my natural beauty.  It impacts the choices and the friends we make, the jobs we go out for, the way we treat our children, it impacts everything. It couldn't be more critical to your happiness.” 

    Is our “natural” beauty really that important?? This is something I struggle with. I look at women that don’t seem to need anything but a shower and a comb to look fresh, young, vibrant, and gorgeous. I compare myself to those women and feel less-than. Sure, I can look pretty good with some primping, but I lack “natural beauty.”  You may argue that everyone needs a little primping, but the fact remains, when we all wake up the morning, there are some differences.  Some of us look cute, and some of us look downright awful.

       As a religious person, I have always been taught that the Lord doesn't care what we look like. In 1 Samuel 16:7 the Lord tells Samuel:   "Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart."  

       If the Lord doesn't care about our outward appearance why do the prophets encourage us to look our best? Paul ask the Corinthians "Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?" Our bodies are sacred temples, so we should care for them, but it doesn't matter if our temple is not as “beautiful” as another person’s. It is still a sacred gift and that in itself makes it beautiful.  

   I also believe that we are encouraged to look our best just because we are encouraged to be our best in general.  We all have physical traits we cannot control, but we do our best. We are encouraged to sing our best, but some people just don’t have good vocal chords or good ears for hearing pitch.  I'm sure it is very sad for some of them, but they don't look in the mirror every morning and feel terrible because they weren't physically blessed with a beautiful voice. We are encouraged to be physically healthy but some people, like me, are just terrible at sports. I don't look at myself in the mirror every day and sigh that I am just not as coordinated as other people.  Why do I look at myself in the mirror and sigh that I am just not as beautiful as a lot of other women?

       I think that physical beauty has been too important to me. For example, I am always wanting my husband to tell me I am beautiful. It is not a bad compliment, but is that the only compliment I need to hear? I have realized that although I love it when my husband tells me I am beautiful, my favorite compliment is, "You're so smart." Coming from my genius husband, that means a lot. There are so many quotes to the effect of "tell the woman you love that she is beautiful." But how many quotes do you see that encourage men to compliment women on things other than their looks? It's as if the only thing that matters is that she is beautiful, and if she doesn't feel beautiful, she feels worthless. I am done feeling that way. What defines me is not my physical characteristics, but my experiences, my likes and dislikes, my talents, my joys and sorrows, and the fact that I am a daughter of God. I am more than just a face. 

"Shrimp Girl" by William Hogarth

       I am done needing to feel beautiful. Don’t tell me I am more beautiful than I think because it doesn't matter.  I know what I look like, I know where I stand on the cultural beauty scale, and I don’t care that it’s not at the top. If I was hideous it wouldn't matter.  I have more important things to worry about. I know that the Lord loves me and doesn't care one bit how beautiful or ugly I am. I am here to do His work, not to be pretty. 

I am not a natural beauty.  My teeth are so crooked that even shy children ask me about them, my skin is unpredictable and dark under my eyes, my hair is mostly frizzy and dull, my head is shaped kind of funny, and I will never have a classic hourglass figure. But what does it matter? It doesn't.

"Why Dove’s “Real Beauty Sketches” Video Makes Me Uncomfortable… and Kind of Makes Me Angry"
http://jazzylittledrops.tumblr.com/post/48118645174/why-doves-real-beauty-sketches-video-makes-me


Also check out this video that seems completely irrelevant at first but turns out to be totally relevant. Its mostly for a laugh though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FVcrkP1X6Y


And  these completely relevant links: 
http://www.jaimemoorephotography.com/2013/05/09/not-just-a-girl/  

http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2013-05-03/news/ct-oped-0503-daum-20130503_1_dove-natural-beauty-friday-night-lights

Who Shall Ascend?

My heart is a broken stone.
I stand in a circle of broken stones.
My children dance on  broken stones
and love me still.

The sun sets on a field of fragments,
a landscape cracked and torn.
The early dawn is broken already.

Their skin is like the petals of a flower.
 I cannot keep them unmarred.
My soul is petrified. I am unclean.
The skin of my hands, dry with chalk,
and blistered.

Faith and Feminism

I have tried to limit this blog to the subject of the spirituality of health, but it has become difficult for me. However, I do not wish to run two blogs, so I suppose I will have to broaden my subject material. 

I would like to discuss my thoughts on feminist issues in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It is a controversial subject that has become quite prominent as of late.  It almost seems over-discussed, though not so much that I am unwilling to throw in my two bits.

First of all, I would like to say that it bothers me when people treat LDS feminism as either an apostate movement or a non-issue. I have seen so many comments on facebook pages or online articles to the effect of: "This is so dumb. The Church isn't sexist." or "Sheesh. Maybe men should petition to be able to breastfeed." I have seen a lot of eye-rolling and head shaking over the issue, mostly from the sisters. Many loving sisters try to explain to feminists that there really isn't any inequality in the Church and that with enough faith and understanding of the doctrine, the "problem" of feminism can be overcome. Though this approach seems much preferable to the extreme negativity of the former, it still lacks understanding. 

It is not wrong, nor is it unprecedented for members to petition the leaders of the church for change. These petitions often lead to change.  I would like to point out one instance of this pattern that I find particularly applicable.  A history is recorded in Numbers, chapter 27, of five sisters who came to Moses with a problem. Their father had died, and because he had no sons, his property was "done away." These five women stood before the leaders of the church and asked: 

"Why should the name of our father be done away from among his family, because he hath no son? Give unto us therefore, a possession among the brethren of our father." 

Moses then took the matter to the Lord who answered:

"The daughters of Zelophehad speak right: thou shalt surely give them a possession of an inheritance among their father's brethren; and thou shalt cause his inheritance to pass unto them."  

"And thou shalt speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If a man die, and have no son, then ye shall cause his inheritance to pass unto his daughter." 

Not only did the Lord grant that these women receive their father's inheritance, he instructed Moses to make a policy change that affected all of Israel.

Many LDS women have petitioned for various changes in the Church. My personal feelings on the specifics are mixed. I do not wish to make them the main subject of this post. However, one thing is for certain; the leaders of the Church do not ignore these petitions.

Recently, many faithful LDS women formed a movement called "Let Women Pray." It was a request to the leadership of the Church to invite women to pray in General Conference. In the most recent Conference, this request was granted, and two women were given the great honor of praying for the Church. So what does it mean that the leaders "gave in" to feminist requests?  Does it mean that the General Authorities were wrong all this time about only allowing men to pray in Conference? In that same Conference, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles gave a talk that addressed this issue. He said:

    "Brothers and sisters, this is a divine work in process, with the manifestations and blessings of it abounding in every direction, so please don't hyperventilate if from time to time issues arise that need to be examined, understood, and resolved. They do and they will. ...

    So be kind regarding human frailty--your own as well as that of those who serve with you in a Church led by volunteer, mortal men and women. Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it. So should we. And when you see imperfection, remember that the limitation is not in the divinity of the work."*


The Church has made several policy changes throughout the years, big and small. People have left the Church over changes like extending the priesthood to all worthy males, or in the design of the temple garment. How can we know what is doctrine, what is tradition, what can change and what will never change?   Again, I believe Elder Holland's talk can help.

    "When problems come and questions arise, do not start your quest for faith by saying how much you do not have, leading as it were with your "unbelief." ... Let me be clear on this point: I am not asking you to pretend to faith you do not have. I am asking you to be true to the faith you do have. ...Be as candid about your questions as you need to be; life is full of them on one subject or another. But if you and your family want to be healed, don't let those questions stand in the way of faith working its miracle."*


I believe it is important to try to get the spirit of discernment and to learn all we can. Most importantly, however, when we find ourselves struggling because of imperfections or unexpected changes in the Church, we need to hang on to what we do know. And if others have issues with a practice in the Church, we shouldn't be too hasty to assume they are wrong, because this church is still imperfect, and having a concern isn't the same as lacking faith.

We must find for ourselves what the fundamentals are--the things that will not change. Each son or daughter of God can build his or her testimony of the gospel line upon line, precept upon precept, holding tight to truths gained, and ever seeking for greater conviction about the truths that really matter. 

These things I personally know,  by the power of the Holy Ghost,  to be unchanging:  the nature of the Godhead, the importance and divine configuration of the family, the Restoration of the Church, the reality of the Atonement, and the fact that we are children of a loving Heavenly Father who will reward righteousness and our genuine efforts to find truth and be faithful despite our most difficult questions.


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*"Lord, I Believe" Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/lord-i-believe?lang=eng

images:
1. http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:The_Daughters_of_Zelophehad.jpg
2. http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Bhutan_-_Flickr_-_babasteve_(86).jpg

To my Grandfather

I wanted to see death,

but you left when I was out of the room.

Everyone came.

They looked into your face,

into your eyelids.

They said, "He looks so peaceful." 

But you didn't look peaceful.

It wasn't you.

They felt your dead shoulders and said,

"He's finally relaxing."  

But you weren't. 

It was tissue dying. 

They said

"I'm glad we could get here while he was still warm." 

It was blood, cooling in the veins.

You were not warm. 

You were not there. 

Suffering Temptations

Over the last few years I have learned quite a bit about diets and dieting. There are two things that I have found to be especially helpful and have begun to integrate into my life.

First of all, I have learned that one should never "go on a diet." Any weight loss from a short term diet is, unfortunately, also short term. If you want permanent results, you need a permanent diet.  A diet should be a healthy lifestyle change, not a short term starvation tool for losing weight quickly.

Secondly, I have learned about something called "eating clean." Eating clean is basically avoiding unnatural foods. It means fewer refined grains and sugars, preservatives, artificial flavors and coloring, etc. It means avoiding meals that come from a box.

Because of what I've learned I've made some small changes to my life. For example, I have permanently switched from regular pasta to whole grain and stopped buying boxed foods. Sadly though, it just hasn't been enough. I still indulge in too much sugar, too many refined grains, and much larger portion sizes than I ought to. I have not lost any weight since my little boy was born 9 months ago. I have been more active, but I just can't seem to sufficiently control what I put into my mouth.

Over the last few weeks I have been formulating a new theory. I believe I was misled about what it is like to diet. I have always felt like it shouldn't be that hard. I have felt that I should just be able to add a few more fruits and vegetables to my diet and just crowd out the bad stuff. Or that I could eat anything I wanted but in smaller portions. It can't be that hard, right? I don't know how I was led to believe this, but I thought that a good diet, one that was not extreme, should be easy.

I was wrong. I can see that now. I have begun to realize that while a good diet is not extreme, it is also NOT easy. I suppose making the right choices for our bodies and our spirits is rarely easy.

As I was reading in the Book of Mormon last night, I came across a scripture in Mosiah that reads: "And lo, he shall suffer temptations, and pain of body, hunger, thirst, and fatigue, even more than a man can suffer, except it be unto death..." What caught me was the phrase "suffer temptations."   I realized that many of the scriptures that speak of the temptations of Christ use similar phrasing. They use the word "suffer."  I had never before thought of temptation as suffering, but it certainly is. When we choose to resist temptation it does not simply go away. The more we resist, the harder Satan tries. It is exhausting to resist, and it never stops. It is suffering.

Satan is not the only source of temptation. We have mortal, fallen bodies, and the temptation to give in to inappropriate physical desires can be overwhelming. The Lord wants us to learn to control these desires, and so Satan rejoices when we lack self-control. When it comes to our appetites, we have both the natural man and the adversary to contend with.


And so I have concluded: sticking to a healthy diet is hard. Its difficult, even miserable. When we choose not to give in to that tempting box of donuts we will suffer. Yup. SUFFER. Suffering is what living healthy is all about, at least until you are used to it.

I'm not going to stop trying though. I still want the benefits of a healthy diet, but this time I'm doing it with eyes wide open.  Fortunately, I have found the crucial resource, the Atonement. I know that the Lord wants me to be the best and healthiest that I can be, and that He will help me resist all the temptations that come with choosing a healthier lifestyle. "For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted." -Hebrews 2:18



Photos
Donuts: This imagewas originally posted to Flickr.com and uploaded to wikimedia Commons by Tom Morris.  http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Glazed_doughnut_with_specks.jpg

Healthy soup: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Boiling_Soup.jpg

Christ: "Christ" by Heinrich Hoffman

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